Surreal

The theme of this past week and a half has been called "Surreal". I feel like all the conversations that we have had in the past week and a half have been extremely surreal. Almost like we are talking about an entirely different family. Someone else's mom. But mostly not my mom. MY MOM.
My Mom who went to school while raising us. My Mom who worked and worked and worked for us. My Mom who is amazing at sewing, crocheting, knitting, all of it. My Mom who has 5 kids, 1 son in law, 1 daughter in law, and two grandbabies on the way. My Mom who has been faithfully married to her husband for 26 years. My Mom who gets a long with everyone. My Mom who can still have a sarcastic sense of humor as she is puking her guts out.
No really... this can't be MY MOM. My MOM who is the best mom in the world. Really aren't we talking about someone els'e who needs to have tumors the size of baseballs and potato's taken out. It must be someone else's mom where they found three other tumors in the abdomen. It must be someone else's mom who they are talking about putting in a line to be able to flood her abdomen with chemo. It must be someone else's mom who they are talking about intense chemo. It must me someone else's mom. It has to... not my mom.
But sadly it is, it is My Mom. My naturally beautiful, brilliant, strong Mom who will go into surgery tomorrow.
So how do I handle this, process this, examine this? Well it's surreal. But tomorrow... the surreal becomes very real, very fast. So I pray. I pray for the traffic on the way to the hospital. I pray for the check in process at the hospital to be as smooth as possible. I pray that as they start to prep her that the IV doesn't take too long to get in, that she is warm enough, that my Dad is able to be back there with her as long as possible. I pray that as they put her under she goes with positive thoughts. I pray for the nurses in that room that they will be confident in their jobs and be helpful. I pray for the anesthesiologist to be on their game, to be able to control her breathing, and keep her under. I pray for the surgeons to be lead by God. That they will be the eyes and hands to God's plan. That they will find all the cancer cells and get them out. That when they begin removing it from the bladder and colon they use aggressive judgement on what they need to take vs. leave. I pray for the surgeons to have gotten a great night sleep to be energized in the morning for the surgery. I pray for their feet to not be tired from standing, for their hands to not be tired from cutting, for their eyes to not be tired from looking, for their mind to be sharp. I pray for the doctors on call, that if they are needed in that OR that it is a priority. I pray for this hospital that it will have the appropriate equipment, the appropriate power. I pray for the staffs kindness, concern and bedside manner. I pray for my family. For my little brothers to know but not fully understand. For my older brother and his wife to have a the level of peace they need through out the day as we updated them. For my sister and her husband to be able to stay calm and peaceful through out the day and to fully understand that they are still a huge help even if they can't physically be down here yet. For my grandma's to have peace and comfort of God's love and plan. For my aunts and uncles to be great supports and comfort to one another. For Carl to understand that I process things differently than most, but that our family appreciates him being here. For him to be able to prove a level of comfort and peace to the waiting room as we all sit together. I pray for my Dad to feel God's grace, mercy and peace to a level in which only God can show. For him to be able to distract himself from going crazy waiting. I pray for him to be a strong hold for his wife of 26 years. I pray for his own worries, spoken and unspoken and to find comfort in those who can provide it.

So really as the surreal becomes more real that I would ever have expected... I pray.