Communication

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need. - Greys Anatomy...
Ok so kinda cheesy to use a Grey's quote, but I read it some where and it really hit home with me today. I mean communication is pretty important in my life, I am a Communication Major. But communication is funny, so many different types, different uses, different ways. And although it is the first thing we learn, I think it is the first thing we start to lose as well. It's funny to watch little kids. I mean as infants they cry, because it gets them what they want. As they progress they move on to other forms, and start to use words. The great thing is that kids use words with no inhibitions. No one to telling them to not just say what they are thinking. Now as much as this revels many funny situations, it also makes me wonder why we have such a hard time just saying what we are thinking.
This Grey's quote is so true, the more we learn our words, and their meanings, the harder time we have using them. The harder time we have asking for help, voicing our fears or concerns. The harder time you have telling your friend something that needs to be said. And the worst part of it, the more we learn words, and communication, and their meanings, the harder we judge. The more we take things that people say the wrong way, instead of just asking them what they might have meant. Which, in return of the cycle, makes people not say things.
I wish people didn't take things you say the wrong way. I wish they would take a second to think through the communication, and think through how well they know you. The combination of these two things would make them realize that whatever you might have said is undoubtedly not on purpose to hurt them. Yet we live in a fast paced World of miscommunication. It's like those commercials where the line goes dead right when the person is going to say the important part. We let our minds go dead when we quickly judge, and don't take the time to hear people out. This truly harms the depth of our relationships.
This lack of communication also makes it harder to admit we need help. Admit to those around us that you could use some support. And even more so, admit to God that we need help. I think we would all like to believe that we are fine, I'll wait to ask God for help on this one. I don't want to burden God, I don't want to ask for too much. But that is what God is there for, that is what he wants to do. He wants to help us through this complicated world of sin, he wants to help us... and yet we don't know how to ask.
When I taught bible study to 6th graders when I was in 8th I learned this good analogy to share with the girls on God's blessings. It's a story about a man who passes away, and gets to the Gates of Heaven, and as he is standing there they let him through and he is immediately met by God. And God tells him that he has something to show him, and he walks him into this large warehouse looking room that is just full of shelves full of boxes. I mean just line after line after line of selves full of boxes. And as he looks around he realizes all of these boxes are beautifully wrapped with name tags on them. All of the name tags have his name on them, all of them. So he asks God, "What are these boxes, why is my name on them". And God replies, these are all the blessings I could have given you while you struggled your way on Earth, if you would have just asked.
God is so willing to give us blessings, to answer prayers (even if it's not in a way you expect), to help us through our day to day live, and yet we are too afraid to communicate, to afraid to communicate our needs to him.
So as you go on today I encourage you to take two things with you...
One, don't quickly judge what someone says to you. Take into account the situation and the person and what they really mean... because I am sure they don't mean to hurt you.
Two, life is sooo busy, and we can add all we want to everyday. But remember... at the end of the day, we are left with just us and God... so maybe ask him for some help through out the day. God wants to bless us, pour blessings upon us... we just need to be willing to ask.

Starbucks can do it, so can you!

Did you hear how Starbucks closed all of it's stores for three hours yesterday? EVERY store for THREE hours. How much money do you think they lost? Every store in America closed for three hours, that is a lot of money. But the reason behind it, that is where I think we could learn something. Starbucks closed their stores to retrain their staff, to bring their focus back on the coffee. Over the years they have merged into the music industry, the movie industry, the book industry, the hot breakfast industry, and of course... coffee. But what they saw was that will all these things, they forgot to focus on what matters, what started it all, the origins if you may. So by closing their stores for three hours, they basically refocused their life, and put the focus back where it belongs.
To me this is amazing. For a corporation to be able to realize this (and yes money plays a role), but to realize it, see what they need to do, and do it says something to me. I mean how many of us keep adding things to our lives, continually adding things... and then we forget why we are doing any of it. Why do we lay down at night and instead of thinking, "Thank God for this beautiful day, and this beautiful opportunity to be alive"... instead we think "Tomorrow I need to make copies, study for this class, write this paper, go to this class, check my mail, pay my bills, call this person, email this person.... and the list goes on..."
I think we could all learn something from Starbucks... no matter how many things are going in your life... if you don't take that time to refocus your life on what is important, you are at risk of losing it. And even more, eventually you will crash and burn... and then what? It's always good to take that time before you hit that... before you lose. Does this make sense?
I mean, if Starbucks is willing to lose how ever many dollars to refocus their company, why can't we take the time to lose some facebook time, some homework time to refocus on God? I feel like all the time our excuse for not spending time with God is that we are too busy. But there are always 24 hours in a day... so it's not like one day has less hours than the rest. And really, I know for me, when I take the time to refocus... I do better at everything else I need to do. Having your focus straight really helps... and yet we don't want to take the risk.
Sorry I don't have any bible verses for this. It's not what I read on... but man it's so relevant to everyone's life.
Just remember you can make as many excuses as you want to not spend time with God... but sometimes it's worth the "loss" in your day to refocus your attention. If Starbucks can do it... can't you?

Christian World View

So my class got me thinking, what is the...Christian World View...
Our teacher told us you can categorize what someones World View is by asking three questions...Who are we? What is wrong with the world? How do we fix it.
So to start he was talking about Who are we? (being who are Christians). And frankly I was kind of frustrated, because my answer was "Followers of Christ", and he was like, "Noo, not what I am looking for." So anyway he writes on the board, "Created in the Image of God". Which is not wrong, we were. But so were the Jews, and heck even Muslims would say they were... although they would say Allah. So I don't feel like that categorizes Christians. Christians believe in Jesus Christ and that he came to the World to save us... which is much different then just being created in the image of God.
It was just really interesting to listen to in class... it's like, hum, how are we viewed, what do others see us as? Anyway, to answer the other two questions; What is wrong with the world? (According to Christians again)... SIN. How do we fix it? Jesus. Really, just interesting...
Anyway... have you ever put any thought into Grace and Mercy? Do you even know the difference between Grace and Mercy?
Heres a little trick I learned to separate Grace and Mercy...
Grace is getting what you don't deserve. i.e. SALVATION!! (saved by Grace)
Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. i.e. Your mom showed you Mercy when she didn't ground you for drawing with permanent marker on her new leather couch... Ok silly example. But God definitely shows us Mercy everyday.
I think sometime we don't think about the how much Mercy God shows us, and how much Grace is given. I am personally thankful, God is so willing to give us his love, this love that we are so undeserving of. This Salvation that we are so undeserving of. I for one am thankful that God shows grace. I am so glad that God shows Mercy, can you imagine if God held all our sins against us? We never get what we do deserve. Thank Goodness. I encourage you to read up on both of these subjects...some verses on Grace; Luke 15:11-31, Romans 5, Ephesians 2. Mercy; Psalm 108:8-12, Psalm 123, Luke 1:46-79, Romans 9:15-18.
And maybe the next time you are "begging for Mercy" from someone, maybe thank God for the Mercy he shows and the Grace he gives.
A little food for thought from me today. I do encourage you to go look up both words, read up on them, it really helps you understand how even more amazing God is.

Prayer

I just want to clarify something from my post early this morning. It's not that I have not prayed since August. Trust me I have. I just have not prayed like that. I feel like there is different experiences through prayer, and I haven't had that one since my last week with World Changers.
Prayer is a funny thing. It's like sometimes we are too scared to admit to God things, so we pray for everything else, and everyone else. That's what I have been doing since August. I guess I felt like I let God down by breaking up with David. I know, I know that is crazy. But I did. I mean it's not like I say yes to getting married everyday. I said yes because I was committed. So when things didn't work out it's like I had broke that. I also felt like God had let me down.
That is hard to admit. And no I don't really believe God let me down. I believe he taught me more then I have ever learned in my life. But it's been a rough time.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that... I have prayed since then. I pray for my brother in Iraq, I pray for my Grandma Mary, and My Grandma Barbara. I pray God will tell my Grandpa's I said hey, and don't be disappointed in me. I pray for my parents, and my sister. I pray for my little brothers. I pray for other people I know that need prayer. I thank God for the blessings in my life.
But last night was different.
I know I didn't have to explain that to any of you. But I thought it was something interesting to think about. The power of prayer. The difference in prayer. Totally submitting yourself to prayer. Food for thought anyway.

3:15...AM?

Why is it the nights that you want to sleep so badly you can't? The nights you know your going to be tired tomorrow even if you do get enough sleep... you don't sleep? Maybe this only happens to me. I wouldn't be surprised. I feel like my insomnia has come back full force lately. The good thing is that tonight I actually got a lot of thinking done.
Truthfully, I have been struggling. Struggling everyday, and yet I didn't know with what. Ok that is not the whole truth, I do know what but I guess I didn't know how to verbalize it until tonight. You see, I lay down to go to sleep and I just lay there, doing nothing. Thoughts are swimming through my brain like those fish tanks at Wal-Mart. Where there are so many fish in the tank and they just keep running into each other, back in forth in the tank. That's what my brain feels like, the thoughts come and they go, but when one is gone another one is there, and I can't push anyone of them out.
The thoughts go from wanting my Senior Recital in two weeks to be over, to wanting it to be spring break, to wanting to be in Washington D.C., to jobs, to wanting a job, to wanting to get out of kansas city, to wanting to be anywhere but Kansas City, to David, to wanting to get over David.
Ok so lets start with the obvious, David. You know what I find the funniest? When people tell me, "Man you are doing so well, if I were you I wouldn't be doing this well so soon", or some variation of this line. When this is said to me, I laugh in my head and think, "Score, another day down of fooling the world." I mean don't get me wrong, I have really really good days. But mostly, I just want to be over it already. I don't want to drive past the chili's and think of him, or the IHOP, or a lot of places really. I want to be done. I mean obviously he is, so why can't I be? And I try so hard, and I know with all my heart that I am so glad that I didn't marry him. I am so glad that I stood up for myself. I am so glad to not be in that relationship right now. So why? Why can't I be over him? I WANT TO BE OVER HIM. Which brings me to the second point.
Did you notice in all my thoughts, and in my last sentence above they all have in common the word WANT? Want is such a tricky word. You know you've all heard your mom use the classic, "Just because you want it doesn't mean you need it". Ah oh so true. Ok, so I don't need spring break to be here, I am sure I will live. But really, all these things I am wanting... why? So I am laying in bed thinking about all of this, letting these thoughts cloud my brain, like when you pour cereal out too small of a hole and it gets stuck, so you shake it around until a couple pieces fall through (ok maybe this only happens to me.). Anyway, I am laying here, doing this... and then I just start praying. Now let me assure you, I have not prayed like this since August. Which makes me pray harder, and cry. And as I am praying and expressing all these thoughts to God, all my fears, wants, needs, desires, guilt's, sins, all of it, it's like finally getting that one piece of cereal out of the way and the flow becomes more fluid. I am not joking here, or being dramatic or exaggerating. I just let it go. And as I am doing this, I just feel led to read my bible. Right then, right in the middle of the night. So I pray a little while longer, and I talk to God about how I need to do this more, obviously, and how I need to read more, and how I need to focus on getting myself back. And all I hear God saying is, read, right now, read. So I do.
I don't know where to start. It's like picking up an old friend after not talking for a long time, and you just wonder, where should we start. I mean we need to cover everything, but we have to start somewhere. So I just open it, figuring, well we got to start somewhere right? And when I open it I find a note that David had written me. And really, its horrible, I mean, the things he said to me in this note weren't nice. And then there was a note behind it from him, and it was a little better, and then a third, apologizing. So I realize the first thing I need to do is clear all of these things out of my bible, I need him out of my bible. I need him out of my relationship with God. I need him to stop holding me back from my relationship with God. So that's what I do, I go through my bible, which is much like a scrapbook, and I clear him out. And it feels soo good.
So then I think, now what. I mean I know God wants me to read, and I know the first step was to clear this out of my bible. But I want to read so bad, where do I start. So I flip to the bad to the subject guide and just read the first page that it is open to and the first word I land on is "Comfort". Comfort... what a funny word. A word that I think isn't used enough. So under comfort there are a few different types; comfort in grief, comfort in trouble, comfort when we sin, comfort when afraid, comfort from God, comfort from the Holy Spirit, comfort from others. So I look at this list and I think, um... hello I need all of these. But again, we got to start some where. And I know, I know I need to start with comfort in grief. I mean, its about time I face the facts that this is what I am dealing with, grief, so it lists two bible verses under grief, Job 2:11-13 and Psalm 23. So Job 2:11-13 is about Jobs friends coming and seeing him, and barely recognising him and just sitting with him to comfort him in his state, not really knowing what to say. Which gets me thinking. I mean I am sure my friends don't really talk about whats going on, because they don't know what to say. And comfort can just come in the form of being there. Humm interesting.
So then I read Psalm 23. And BAM, Emerial style it hits me in the face. I mean really, the first line is all I need to read to know why God wanted me to read so badly... Psalm 23:1 "The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want."
Ummm... wow. Really that's what I feel like. Umm wow. I get it God. Alllll of those thoughts I was thinking, that were keeping me from sleep, which in reality were keeping me from God were WANTS!, and here God is saying, don't Want, you have me. I am your shepherd, I am here to lead you, to guide to, to bring you home and let you lay in the pasture during the day, I will provide if you follow me, so you don't need to want anything. Yes I want my senior recital to be over, but it will be in two weeks... why speed up time any more then it already goes? Yes I want spring break to be now, but its going to be here, so why do I want it so bad? Yes I WANT a Job, but God is going to provide, and I am going to be where he wants me, and needs me to do his work, so why do I want? (no this doesn't mean I am going to stop looking, but I am going to stop wanting). And finally... Yes I WANT to be over David. But there is one thing standing in my way, my relationship with Jesus. I need to let him me my shepherd again. I need to let him lead, lead me away from David, let him lead my thoughts away from David. Let him show me how much more he loves me. I can WANT to get over David all I ...want? haha but until I give it up to God and let him lead... it is never going to happen. It is time to stop grieving, and start moving, start following. And no this doesn't mean tomorrow I am going to be "all better". Heck Faith doesn't make things easy, it makes things possible. But it is nice to have hope in the possibility again.
If you continue on reading in Psalm 23 it says in verse 5: "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." Man what a powerful statement. I mean, to follow God, let go of your wants, and he is going to give you want you need, and you are going to be sitting there in front of your enemies anointed in Gods love, your cup overflowing with his blessings. Man God is so good.
So I know this post is long for a first one, but I just felt so ALIVE, so powerful... so much like me, that I had to write. I had to get it out. I feel like tonight was a turning point for me. And no I am not going to be perfect and read the bible everyday like I would like, but I am going to try my hardest. I am going to try my hardest everyday to my faith in the Lord that he will provide. And you know what? I am going to screw up. I am, really. But that's OK. God will forgive me, and Him and I, we will move on. You see I heard this metaphor one time about your relationship with God... he's like that friend you make a weekly meeting time for coffee with... and sometimes you forget to show. But he never does. And even when you forget week after week after week, he still shows up. And he will be sitting there, waiting, with a cup of coffee, waiting for you to talk to him again. His love is endless. He doesn't forget about you when you forget about him. He is there, waiting, with open arms. And let me tell you, God and I had a good cup of coffee tonight, a great big hug, and I gave him back the keys to my life. No more hiding out and wishing to disappear. It's like riding a tandem bike. Whether you let God on the front or the back, he is always there to help you pedal, but maybe let him sit in the front and steer, because he knows the way, and the path. And he surely can see that pothole your about to hit.
Goodnight all. Maybe it's about time you had that cup of coffee with God... I know he's ready.
P.S. Thank you to those who stuck with me and wait for me to hit this point.