Love always, Insomnia

Dear Caitie,

It appears there was an error with the postal system. I only recently received your letter breaking up with me. I have to say though, you are not very good at breaks up. You cannot seem to resist my temptations. I am slightly appalled that you are not thanking me instead of breaking up with me. I mean, think of the countless books you have read thanks to me, useless movies you have watched? What about all of those television shows online you have found? New music? Really I have helped you out immensely culturally.

I will admit there are some downsides to me, but every relationship has it's bumps. I mean, so you have had too much time to look up the negative side effects of your tonsillectomy. (really, you won't bleed out). And there is all that research you did on carpenter ants, I am sure you could have skipped that. And I guess the biggest draw back of all is the being so tired during the day you wonder if you are actually walking around in a dream.

But really, don't those pale in comparison to the quality time we spend together? I just don't see why you dislike me. We are good together. We've been seeing each other for a while now. You might as stay with me, Change is hard.

Loving you for now,

Insomnia.

No more Coffee

No more Coffee. I have been drinking a lot of frozen drinks lately because my throat has hurt too much to eat a lot of solids. Well.. I don't drink caffeine in my regular life. Caffeine is messing with my body, causing my heart to race. Making this all worse. No good, no more coffee. Don't listen to me if I tell you I want coffee.

Lean not on your own understanding

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own

understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He

shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3.5-6



I hate, hate the feeling of being uneasy, restlessness, unfaithful. It has cripled me today. It has completely cripled my thoughts, actions, motives. It makes me sick.



"Trust in he Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." What a powerful statement. How much simpler does God need to put it. Trust him, put your heart in his hands and don't lean on your own understanding. It is so easy to think we know everything, why everything happens, and try to come up with our own reasoning and undertanding for events that happen. Yet we are called on to not lean on our own understanding. God has this view of our whole world, our whole world and yet we are continuely trying to tell him what everything means.



"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." I need to get rid of these feelings, acknowledge Him, and let him guide my path. That is what I need, I want him to guide my path. Not me, no I am going to lean on him and not my own understanding.



Although there are many different things up in the air in my life right now, I need to put my trust in God, in his plan. I need to put my understanding in his understanding. I can't do this alone.

Mayo Clinic Eh

Well, I have not been as good at updating as I should have been... sorry. It has been crazy busy here from the start. Lets see we left off on ... Sunday Night...

Monday we got up and went to the local mall (come on, we are in Rochester, not much else to do). We ate at this amazing restaurant called HuHot, and got to make s'mores right at our table. Yes I am easy to please. Really on Monday we just spent time together, ate some really great food for lunch AND dinner and relaxed.

Tuesday we switch hotels (long story) and then headed over to the clinic for my first appointment. (Yay!!)

Mayo Clinic is really amazing, they have this system down. We checked in and did all of their paperwork and then went up to the Neuro Floor. They are seriously efficient, and on time. When I went into the appointment it was nice because the Neuro was the one that actually met with me, and talked about my concerns. She was really great, and didn't give me any sort of "false hope". She was clear that we may not walk away with a diagnosis, but we would walk away with more answers and less possibilities. After our consultation she set up a number of tests to be preformed, and then we will meet with her again Friday morning to decide where we go from here. So part of the problem is that means... I get no answers until Friday. haha.

Today I had an appointment with a Neuro-Opthomologist, who didn't say much except "Yup a case of optic neuritis, good thing is the nerves aren't dead, they still have color so there is hope of the vision coming back". Ohhh really sir, so you are saying that yes, there is an issue and I am not just being an emotional woman and making this up? Can I get that in writing for my lawsuit? Thank You!! Haha

Then I had an MRI. The Neuro told me the MRI would be longer than I was used to because she was concerned that they had not looked into some things that she would like to rule out (i.e. she is concerned it might be a blood clot in the vessel behind my eye which is causing the vision loss, and would also cause the weakness on the left side, because I would have had a stroke...Um how come no one else has ever mentioned this?!) Well when she mentioned it would last longer I didn't realize she meant 2 hours! Man oh man that is a long time to be in the machine.

Tomorrow I am going to enjoy some nice Holiday Inn Express breakfast and then I have a visual evoked potential test (to see if my eye is receiving signals) and a sensory evoked potential test (to see if my limbs are receiving signals and are just weak, or they are not receiving the signal at all.)

And then the dreaded... Lumbar Puncture. BOO. :(

Friday I have a visual field test, a physical therapy session and a meeting with my neruo. It's all none stop. I am tired. But it is good good to be taken seriously.

I am sorry I have no updated you all sooner!! I will post some picture soon. Feel free to email or call me!