Tis the Season!! This the season for snow (not for us yet), Christmas Parties, Ski Trip Planning,cookies, baking, Caroling, lots and lots of Christmas music and my boyfriend to be incredibly busy with work. The joys of working for FedEx.
I keep getting the evil eye, mean looks, and bad comments when I say I am ready for snow. BUT I AM. Sorry everyone. Yes I realize it will come soon enough, and we will tire of it quickly. But I am ready. I need a little Christmas feeling outside. Especially before I head south for the actual holiday. It was weird to wake up this morning and it to be 50 degrees outside! But the temp is falling again, so my coat will still go to good use today.
I went to the dentist yesterday day. Good news: No Cavities. Bad News: Today my lips are chapped like no other. Darn gloves.
12 days until I leave for Florida for Christmas! I am very excited to be in Disney World again, but more so I am excited to see my family. We will all be together this holiday. Dad, Mom, Jake and Joe arrive on the 19th, as do Miah, Linds (with baby on board). I will get there the 20th. Emmie and Andy will arrive sometime between the 20th and the 23rd. The joys of Air Force life. I am super excited that Miah and Linds found out they will be having a baby boy. Noah Stephen. Emmie and Andy won't know what they are having until .. end of January I believe.
I am incredibly excited to become an Aunt. Although I wish I lived closer to one of them, it is still exciting. What an exciting time in life. The ability to bring another life into the world. I can't even imagine "growing" another human being for 9 months (really closer to 10).
Well, heres to this useless post. Start enjoying the season everyone!!
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Beauty School Drop-Out
This kid graduated tech school yesterday. Good job brother. Now him and my sister are getting ready to move to Missouri. Kind of jealous, I love Missouri. Now I just have more reasons to visit!
See you both... tomorrow!!
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Good Weekend, Great People
I love good weekends. The fun people, Dancing in the middle of the street in the moon light, homemade cookies, great messages at church, good friends, peaceful drives, nice surprises sort of weekends. Yup those are the best.
On to the week... which shall be great as well, I can feel it. 3 days until I see my cute little brothers. :) Thanksgiving is going to be really great this year. It slowly becomes more and more my favorite holiday. I am looking forward to seeing my baby bros, my grandma, my parents, my brother and sister. It's going to be great.
Monday and Tuesday will be great too, but I am looking forward to Wednesday, a little R&R.
On to the week... which shall be great as well, I can feel it. 3 days until I see my cute little brothers. :) Thanksgiving is going to be really great this year. It slowly becomes more and more my favorite holiday. I am looking forward to seeing my baby bros, my grandma, my parents, my brother and sister. It's going to be great.
Monday and Tuesday will be great too, but I am looking forward to Wednesday, a little R&R.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Head First Fearless
I am always amazed when blogger says things like "last post Aug. 14th". I always think... where in the world did the time go. Ohh yes, September was surgery and October was busy with Youth events and going home for a bit and... and someone coming into my life that takes up time. As for November, I swear it just started yesterday and all the sudden it is the 20th. Now is that possible?
It's crazy to think that three months can pass so quickly. That is a whole season of the year that is just gone before my eyes without even noticing. I wish Fall was longer. Although I do have to say I think all Clevelanders are counting their blessings everyday into November that doesn't have snow. And actually its been quite the opposite of snow. It's been beautiful, and far more fall like that October was. I remember last year when it snowed on Oct. 30th. This year.. nothing yet. One night it tried, but it didn't even make it to the ground, it was just a heavier rain. Time is such a funny thing. We all claim to not have enough of it, we talk about how quickly it passes, and then we talk about how LONG it takes and how we wish it would pass faster. What a lesson in life it would be to just be content in time. To be fine with where you are at, not wish for more time, not wish it to go faster, not complain it went to fast. To just be content. I think that is probably actually where I am at right now in life, content. Of course I say that after a whole monologue about not knowing where the time went, but realistically it didn't move too fast, it didn't move too slow, I was very content on where I was in time. The time that has past has great memories, and the time in the future begs for greater ones. I am content in time right now.
For instance, I am so excited to go home and see my family next week, but I am content that it isn't this week, I am fine that it is not here yet, I don't wish time would speed up or slow down. There are plenty of things to look forward to between today and when I leave, and lots to look forward to when I get home.
I am so thankful for my family and friends. How lucky am I to have family that lives all over the country so that I get to experience many different parts of the American Culture, as well as have the opportunity to travel. Of course I wish I either A. lived a tad closer or B. had a transporting system that was far faster than flying. But realistically.. it works right now. I love the planning of trips home to see my family, the anticipation, the excitement that my little brothers show when they see me. It's always fun to fly in late at night after they are asleep and watch their reaction when they wake up in the morning to find me there.
I am also very lucky and thankful for Miah & Lindsay, Emmie & Andy. What a great gift each of these couples will be bringing into the world in 2010. I cannot think of anything greater than the chance to become an Aunt, and two times in one year! Miah and Linds are due in April and think they are having a boy. Emmie and Andy are due in July and think they are having a girl. So I of course ... I think Miah and Linds will have a girl and Emmie and Andy will have a boy. Isn't that what sisters are for? To think the opposite of you? I am very excited for all the things 2010 has to offer!
God is such an amazing God. The promise he has given us for life is one that he never fails to deliver and I am so thankful for that. It's funny how is promise is always there, it is always the truth and yet, often we still need that little bit of reassurance and he willingly gives that to us. As 2009 starts to draw to a close I find my self reflecting on my growth in this year. To say that it has been an interesting year is probably an understatement, but the path it has lead me on has been one of great growth.
I'll be the first to admit, and you can witness it by reading through previous posts that I haven't always been a ... fan of Cleveland. Shocker I know. But as I sit here in November getting ready to embark on another Cleveland winter... I am OK with it. I know this is where God wants me right now. As for next week? Next Month? Next year? I don't know. But right now I know I am exactly where God wants me. When I first moved here and started working for the church a good friend said... "It takes about 18- 20 months in Cleveland to really feel like you are settled or are getting a life". I really didn't believe her. Well I have now lived here for about 19 months... and shes right. I am starting to feel more at home, I can't tell you when the next weekend is that I DON'T have something going on. So yeah... she was right. It was a long, hard road but it was worth it. And in the 17-18 months it took me to find myself settling in, I really grew as a person. I am a better person today than I was last thanksgiving, than I was last Christmas, than I was last February, than I was last May, than I was last July, than even in October. I am a better person, and I have to take a step back and realize it's because of the people I have met here in Cleveland.
Life is all about the willingness to grow, to change, to be flexible, to want to be a better person. I so badly want to be a better person, and hopefully one day I will be. What a comfort it is to know that we are all sinners saved by the Grace of God.
There are things in my life right now that are challenging me, that are forcing me to face things that I haven't wanted to, haven't been willing to. It's a period of great learning, growth, self realization. It's scary, frightening, humbling, exciting, enjoyable, and exhilarating. Frankly it's hard to put into words. Luckily for me I have great people behind me, backing me up, supporting me, pushing me, praying for me, talking to me, asking hard questions. I am so excited to be embarking on this next period of life and so thankful for those who are there for me during me. And I am going to to jump in head first, fearless.
I am thankful for those that during my doubts, and my insecurities are willing to give me just a few reassurances.
I suppose this post is long enough since it it is practically a book. Hopefully I will just be better about posting and then I won't have to write such long ones. :)
It's crazy to think that three months can pass so quickly. That is a whole season of the year that is just gone before my eyes without even noticing. I wish Fall was longer. Although I do have to say I think all Clevelanders are counting their blessings everyday into November that doesn't have snow. And actually its been quite the opposite of snow. It's been beautiful, and far more fall like that October was. I remember last year when it snowed on Oct. 30th. This year.. nothing yet. One night it tried, but it didn't even make it to the ground, it was just a heavier rain. Time is such a funny thing. We all claim to not have enough of it, we talk about how quickly it passes, and then we talk about how LONG it takes and how we wish it would pass faster. What a lesson in life it would be to just be content in time. To be fine with where you are at, not wish for more time, not wish it to go faster, not complain it went to fast. To just be content. I think that is probably actually where I am at right now in life, content. Of course I say that after a whole monologue about not knowing where the time went, but realistically it didn't move too fast, it didn't move too slow, I was very content on where I was in time. The time that has past has great memories, and the time in the future begs for greater ones. I am content in time right now.
For instance, I am so excited to go home and see my family next week, but I am content that it isn't this week, I am fine that it is not here yet, I don't wish time would speed up or slow down. There are plenty of things to look forward to between today and when I leave, and lots to look forward to when I get home.
I am so thankful for my family and friends. How lucky am I to have family that lives all over the country so that I get to experience many different parts of the American Culture, as well as have the opportunity to travel. Of course I wish I either A. lived a tad closer or B. had a transporting system that was far faster than flying. But realistically.. it works right now. I love the planning of trips home to see my family, the anticipation, the excitement that my little brothers show when they see me. It's always fun to fly in late at night after they are asleep and watch their reaction when they wake up in the morning to find me there.
I am also very lucky and thankful for Miah & Lindsay, Emmie & Andy. What a great gift each of these couples will be bringing into the world in 2010. I cannot think of anything greater than the chance to become an Aunt, and two times in one year! Miah and Linds are due in April and think they are having a boy. Emmie and Andy are due in July and think they are having a girl. So I of course ... I think Miah and Linds will have a girl and Emmie and Andy will have a boy. Isn't that what sisters are for? To think the opposite of you? I am very excited for all the things 2010 has to offer!
God is such an amazing God. The promise he has given us for life is one that he never fails to deliver and I am so thankful for that. It's funny how is promise is always there, it is always the truth and yet, often we still need that little bit of reassurance and he willingly gives that to us. As 2009 starts to draw to a close I find my self reflecting on my growth in this year. To say that it has been an interesting year is probably an understatement, but the path it has lead me on has been one of great growth.
I'll be the first to admit, and you can witness it by reading through previous posts that I haven't always been a ... fan of Cleveland. Shocker I know. But as I sit here in November getting ready to embark on another Cleveland winter... I am OK with it. I know this is where God wants me right now. As for next week? Next Month? Next year? I don't know. But right now I know I am exactly where God wants me. When I first moved here and started working for the church a good friend said... "It takes about 18- 20 months in Cleveland to really feel like you are settled or are getting a life". I really didn't believe her. Well I have now lived here for about 19 months... and shes right. I am starting to feel more at home, I can't tell you when the next weekend is that I DON'T have something going on. So yeah... she was right. It was a long, hard road but it was worth it. And in the 17-18 months it took me to find myself settling in, I really grew as a person. I am a better person today than I was last thanksgiving, than I was last Christmas, than I was last February, than I was last May, than I was last July, than even in October. I am a better person, and I have to take a step back and realize it's because of the people I have met here in Cleveland.
Life is all about the willingness to grow, to change, to be flexible, to want to be a better person. I so badly want to be a better person, and hopefully one day I will be. What a comfort it is to know that we are all sinners saved by the Grace of God.
There are things in my life right now that are challenging me, that are forcing me to face things that I haven't wanted to, haven't been willing to. It's a period of great learning, growth, self realization. It's scary, frightening, humbling, exciting, enjoyable, and exhilarating. Frankly it's hard to put into words. Luckily for me I have great people behind me, backing me up, supporting me, pushing me, praying for me, talking to me, asking hard questions. I am so excited to be embarking on this next period of life and so thankful for those who are there for me during me. And I am going to to jump in head first, fearless.
I am thankful for those that during my doubts, and my insecurities are willing to give me just a few reassurances.
I suppose this post is long enough since it it is practically a book. Hopefully I will just be better about posting and then I won't have to write such long ones. :)
Friday, August 14, 2009
Love always, Insomnia
Dear Caitie,
It appears there was an error with the postal system. I only recently received your letter breaking up with me. I have to say though, you are not very good at breaks up. You cannot seem to resist my temptations. I am slightly appalled that you are not thanking me instead of breaking up with me. I mean, think of the countless books you have read thanks to me, useless movies you have watched? What about all of those television shows online you have found? New music? Really I have helped you out immensely culturally.
I will admit there are some downsides to me, but every relationship has it's bumps. I mean, so you have had too much time to look up the negative side effects of your tonsillectomy. (really, you won't bleed out). And there is all that research you did on carpenter ants, I am sure you could have skipped that. And I guess the biggest draw back of all is the being so tired during the day you wonder if you are actually walking around in a dream.
But really, don't those pale in comparison to the quality time we spend together? I just don't see why you dislike me. We are good together. We've been seeing each other for a while now. You might as stay with me, Change is hard.
Loving you for now,
Insomnia.
It appears there was an error with the postal system. I only recently received your letter breaking up with me. I have to say though, you are not very good at breaks up. You cannot seem to resist my temptations. I am slightly appalled that you are not thanking me instead of breaking up with me. I mean, think of the countless books you have read thanks to me, useless movies you have watched? What about all of those television shows online you have found? New music? Really I have helped you out immensely culturally.
I will admit there are some downsides to me, but every relationship has it's bumps. I mean, so you have had too much time to look up the negative side effects of your tonsillectomy. (really, you won't bleed out). And there is all that research you did on carpenter ants, I am sure you could have skipped that. And I guess the biggest draw back of all is the being so tired during the day you wonder if you are actually walking around in a dream.
But really, don't those pale in comparison to the quality time we spend together? I just don't see why you dislike me. We are good together. We've been seeing each other for a while now. You might as stay with me, Change is hard.
Loving you for now,
Insomnia.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
No more Coffee
No more Coffee. I have been drinking a lot of frozen drinks lately because my throat has hurt too much to eat a lot of solids. Well.. I don't drink caffeine in my regular life. Caffeine is messing with my body, causing my heart to race. Making this all worse. No good, no more coffee. Don't listen to me if I tell you I want coffee.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Lean not on your own understanding
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3.5-6
I hate, hate the feeling of being uneasy, restlessness, unfaithful. It has cripled me today. It has completely cripled my thoughts, actions, motives. It makes me sick.
"Trust in he Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." What a powerful statement. How much simpler does God need to put it. Trust him, put your heart in his hands and don't lean on your own understanding. It is so easy to think we know everything, why everything happens, and try to come up with our own reasoning and undertanding for events that happen. Yet we are called on to not lean on our own understanding. God has this view of our whole world, our whole world and yet we are continuely trying to tell him what everything means.
"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." I need to get rid of these feelings, acknowledge Him, and let him guide my path. That is what I need, I want him to guide my path. Not me, no I am going to lean on him and not my own understanding.
Although there are many different things up in the air in my life right now, I need to put my trust in God, in his plan. I need to put my understanding in his understanding. I can't do this alone.
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He
shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3.5-6
I hate, hate the feeling of being uneasy, restlessness, unfaithful. It has cripled me today. It has completely cripled my thoughts, actions, motives. It makes me sick.
"Trust in he Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding." What a powerful statement. How much simpler does God need to put it. Trust him, put your heart in his hands and don't lean on your own understanding. It is so easy to think we know everything, why everything happens, and try to come up with our own reasoning and undertanding for events that happen. Yet we are called on to not lean on our own understanding. God has this view of our whole world, our whole world and yet we are continuely trying to tell him what everything means.
"In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." I need to get rid of these feelings, acknowledge Him, and let him guide my path. That is what I need, I want him to guide my path. Not me, no I am going to lean on him and not my own understanding.
Although there are many different things up in the air in my life right now, I need to put my trust in God, in his plan. I need to put my understanding in his understanding. I can't do this alone.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Mayo Clinic Eh
Well, I have not been as good at updating as I should have been... sorry. It has been crazy busy here from the start. Lets see we left off on ... Sunday Night...
Monday we got up and went to the local mall (come on, we are in Rochester, not much else to do). We ate at this amazing restaurant called HuHot, and got to make s'mores right at our table. Yes I am easy to please. Really on Monday we just spent time together, ate some really great food for lunch AND dinner and relaxed.
Tuesday we switch hotels (long story) and then headed over to the clinic for my first appointment. (Yay!!)
Mayo Clinic is really amazing, they have this system down. We checked in and did all of their paperwork and then went up to the Neuro Floor. They are seriously efficient, and on time. When I went into the appointment it was nice because the Neuro was the one that actually met with me, and talked about my concerns. She was really great, and didn't give me any sort of "false hope". She was clear that we may not walk away with a diagnosis, but we would walk away with more answers and less possibilities. After our consultation she set up a number of tests to be preformed, and then we will meet with her again Friday morning to decide where we go from here. So part of the problem is that means... I get no answers until Friday. haha.
Today I had an appointment with a Neuro-Opthomologist, who didn't say much except "Yup a case of optic neuritis, good thing is the nerves aren't dead, they still have color so there is hope of the vision coming back". Ohhh really sir, so you are saying that yes, there is an issue and I am not just being an emotional woman and making this up? Can I get that in writing for my lawsuit? Thank You!! Haha
Then I had an MRI. The Neuro told me the MRI would be longer than I was used to because she was concerned that they had not looked into some things that she would like to rule out (i.e. she is concerned it might be a blood clot in the vessel behind my eye which is causing the vision loss, and would also cause the weakness on the left side, because I would have had a stroke...Um how come no one else has ever mentioned this?!) Well when she mentioned it would last longer I didn't realize she meant 2 hours! Man oh man that is a long time to be in the machine.
Tomorrow I am going to enjoy some nice Holiday Inn Express breakfast and then I have a visual evoked potential test (to see if my eye is receiving signals) and a sensory evoked potential test (to see if my limbs are receiving signals and are just weak, or they are not receiving the signal at all.)
And then the dreaded... Lumbar Puncture. BOO. :(
Friday I have a visual field test, a physical therapy session and a meeting with my neruo. It's all none stop. I am tired. But it is good good to be taken seriously.
I am sorry I have no updated you all sooner!! I will post some picture soon. Feel free to email or call me!
Monday we got up and went to the local mall (come on, we are in Rochester, not much else to do). We ate at this amazing restaurant called HuHot, and got to make s'mores right at our table. Yes I am easy to please. Really on Monday we just spent time together, ate some really great food for lunch AND dinner and relaxed.
Tuesday we switch hotels (long story) and then headed over to the clinic for my first appointment. (Yay!!)
Mayo Clinic is really amazing, they have this system down. We checked in and did all of their paperwork and then went up to the Neuro Floor. They are seriously efficient, and on time. When I went into the appointment it was nice because the Neuro was the one that actually met with me, and talked about my concerns. She was really great, and didn't give me any sort of "false hope". She was clear that we may not walk away with a diagnosis, but we would walk away with more answers and less possibilities. After our consultation she set up a number of tests to be preformed, and then we will meet with her again Friday morning to decide where we go from here. So part of the problem is that means... I get no answers until Friday. haha.
Today I had an appointment with a Neuro-Opthomologist, who didn't say much except "Yup a case of optic neuritis, good thing is the nerves aren't dead, they still have color so there is hope of the vision coming back". Ohhh really sir, so you are saying that yes, there is an issue and I am not just being an emotional woman and making this up? Can I get that in writing for my lawsuit? Thank You!! Haha
Then I had an MRI. The Neuro told me the MRI would be longer than I was used to because she was concerned that they had not looked into some things that she would like to rule out (i.e. she is concerned it might be a blood clot in the vessel behind my eye which is causing the vision loss, and would also cause the weakness on the left side, because I would have had a stroke...Um how come no one else has ever mentioned this?!) Well when she mentioned it would last longer I didn't realize she meant 2 hours! Man oh man that is a long time to be in the machine.
Tomorrow I am going to enjoy some nice Holiday Inn Express breakfast and then I have a visual evoked potential test (to see if my eye is receiving signals) and a sensory evoked potential test (to see if my limbs are receiving signals and are just weak, or they are not receiving the signal at all.)
And then the dreaded... Lumbar Puncture. BOO. :(
Friday I have a visual field test, a physical therapy session and a meeting with my neruo. It's all none stop. I am tired. But it is good good to be taken seriously.
I am sorry I have no updated you all sooner!! I will post some picture soon. Feel free to email or call me!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
ooh yah. don cha know.
Welcome to Minnesota, ooh yah. don cha know. oh my garsh!
2:30am Wake Up
3:30am Head to Amy's House
4:10am Head to Airport
5:00am Arrive at Airport and Check in
6:00am Head to Chicago
7:15am Arrive in Chicago (Really 6:15am again...)
7:15 Head out of Chicago
8:30 Arrive in Rochester Minnesota
I love living certain hours of the day twice. Although I do not like being awake at 6am once let alone twice. 7am was alright once, but twice, really?
It was so great. My aunt and uncle are so sweet and they called the airport and let them know that I would be arriving at 9am, so the sooner they got me into the room would be better because I would be tired. So when I arrive at the hotel at 9am my room was ready. Brilliant, way better than what I thought it would be. Although why it took them until 7pm to bring my bags when I had been there since 9am is still a little concerning. Good thing I was too tired to notice.
Once my aunt and uncle got here we went out to dinner to eat at Red Lobster. Yum. And then we waited for my Cousin to get here.
I love my family. I love being around them. I love that they are here for me. I am exhausted.
Welcome to Rochester!
2:30am Wake Up
3:30am Head to Amy's House
4:10am Head to Airport
5:00am Arrive at Airport and Check in
6:00am Head to Chicago
7:15am Arrive in Chicago (Really 6:15am again...)
7:15 Head out of Chicago
8:30 Arrive in Rochester Minnesota
I love living certain hours of the day twice. Although I do not like being awake at 6am once let alone twice. 7am was alright once, but twice, really?
It was so great. My aunt and uncle are so sweet and they called the airport and let them know that I would be arriving at 9am, so the sooner they got me into the room would be better because I would be tired. So when I arrive at the hotel at 9am my room was ready. Brilliant, way better than what I thought it would be. Although why it took them until 7pm to bring my bags when I had been there since 9am is still a little concerning. Good thing I was too tired to notice.
Once my aunt and uncle got here we went out to dinner to eat at Red Lobster. Yum. And then we waited for my Cousin to get here.
I love my family. I love being around them. I love that they are here for me. I am exhausted.
Welcome to Rochester!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Child like faith
Do you ever wish you had a child like faith? You belive in... Santa, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy, you believe in leperchans and fairies. Of course you believe Ronald Mcdonald, Rudolph the red nose reindeer and the fairy godmother are real, why wouldn't they be. (some people would add Mickey Mouse to this list... but I don't know what they are talking about, he is real. I've seem his house, his garden, his car, and his big tent fair grounds where he is Mayor, come on people!) As children we believe... We believe because ... Why wouldn't we? We haven't seen or understood anything to make us doubt. No we believe whole heartly that Santa knows us and therefore we are good for presents that the monster in the closet lives, so we call our parents in to save the day. We believe with everything that we have that our teeth are taken away by a lady who loves to give money away. (where is she now? I think I have a few teeth i could live without, especially for how much she pays now a days!!) We believe ... We believe... We Believe.
What about Christ? What about the Holy Father? I think we've all heard the statement "child like faith". That faith, that believeing because there is no reason to doubt. God is God. God is the Heavenly Father that sent his only son here, to this sinful place to save us sinners. Kids get it. Sin is easy for them to understand, as simple as right and wrong. I love talking to kids about God because they get it. They believe and have faith whole heartly before we make things complicated. Before we let the world take us over. Before we doubt and debate and wonder and worry. Before all that... We believe. I wish I still had a child like faith.
My uncle Johnny has a child like faith. He loves Jesus, he has a relationship with God. So pure and innocent. He wants everyone to know his Joy and his Light.
My uncle Johnny has Down Syndrome. I don't think I ever really recognized or acknowledged this until I was 14 or 15?I mean sure I knew... But it wasn't how I thought about him. He was always Uncle Johnny. He always had a smile on and he always had the joy of life shining out
of him.
My Uncle passed away yesterday. It's hard when something isn't a complete shock and yet still takes you completely off guard. It's kind of
like when they are going to take your blood or put in an iv, they tell you it will pinch or sting or whatever. But then they do it and it still
surprises you.
I should clarify he was my great uncle, but he was born 9 months before my aunt and 2 and a half years before my dad. He was 47 when
he passed away. What a remarkable man. He lived far longer than anyone ever expected when he was born. What a remarkable man. My
grandma just called on her way to Arkansas for his funeral and told me within the last months of his life he lead one of his 9 year old great
nephews to Christ. The little boy "wanted what uncle Johnny has". Man what a testimony. What a testimony to his life, to parents that raised
him with strong beliefs in God and himself, that he could to anything. What a strong testimony to God and his plans for our lives. He uses EVERYONE for greatness. Anyone can plant the seed. Anyone.
I have a such peace about his passing. Just to know his Soul is in heaven with God, Jesus, my grandpa, his parents, and so many more
people, Souls. To think he is there, his perfect soul not held back by his broken earthly body. Instead he is in his perfect heavenly form. His
perfect spirit, his soul, finally able to communicate in a way he was never able to here on this earth. I think of the joy on his face as he sits
with God saying... I tried to tell them Father, you are the easiest thing to believe in, to have faith in. You are REAl. You are Truth and life.
To see his parents and my grandpa and communicate the things he could communicate to them that he couldn't ever before.
What joy, what excitement, what a party heaven must have had at his arrival. I can imagine God said, well done son, well done. You filled so
many purposes on Earth and you brought people closer to me. Thank you son.
Well done Uncle Johnny. Well done. I hope to have the faith you have. I hope to not let my broken humanly body hold me back, just as you
continued on through your difficulties. I hope the light and joy of Jesus shines through me as you let it flow through you. Well done Uncle
Johnny. Well done. Now go rest, and taken in the splendor of Heaven. Thank you for being you, and living life to it's fullest.
We are all better for having known you.
What about Christ? What about the Holy Father? I think we've all heard the statement "child like faith". That faith, that believeing because there is no reason to doubt. God is God. God is the Heavenly Father that sent his only son here, to this sinful place to save us sinners. Kids get it. Sin is easy for them to understand, as simple as right and wrong. I love talking to kids about God because they get it. They believe and have faith whole heartly before we make things complicated. Before we let the world take us over. Before we doubt and debate and wonder and worry. Before all that... We believe. I wish I still had a child like faith.
My uncle Johnny has a child like faith. He loves Jesus, he has a relationship with God. So pure and innocent. He wants everyone to know his Joy and his Light.
My uncle Johnny has Down Syndrome. I don't think I ever really recognized or acknowledged this until I was 14 or 15?I mean sure I knew... But it wasn't how I thought about him. He was always Uncle Johnny. He always had a smile on and he always had the joy of life shining out
of him.
My Uncle passed away yesterday. It's hard when something isn't a complete shock and yet still takes you completely off guard. It's kind of
like when they are going to take your blood or put in an iv, they tell you it will pinch or sting or whatever. But then they do it and it still
surprises you.
I should clarify he was my great uncle, but he was born 9 months before my aunt and 2 and a half years before my dad. He was 47 when
he passed away. What a remarkable man. He lived far longer than anyone ever expected when he was born. What a remarkable man. My
grandma just called on her way to Arkansas for his funeral and told me within the last months of his life he lead one of his 9 year old great
nephews to Christ. The little boy "wanted what uncle Johnny has". Man what a testimony. What a testimony to his life, to parents that raised
him with strong beliefs in God and himself, that he could to anything. What a strong testimony to God and his plans for our lives. He uses EVERYONE for greatness. Anyone can plant the seed. Anyone.
I have a such peace about his passing. Just to know his Soul is in heaven with God, Jesus, my grandpa, his parents, and so many more
people, Souls. To think he is there, his perfect soul not held back by his broken earthly body. Instead he is in his perfect heavenly form. His
perfect spirit, his soul, finally able to communicate in a way he was never able to here on this earth. I think of the joy on his face as he sits
with God saying... I tried to tell them Father, you are the easiest thing to believe in, to have faith in. You are REAl. You are Truth and life.
To see his parents and my grandpa and communicate the things he could communicate to them that he couldn't ever before.
What joy, what excitement, what a party heaven must have had at his arrival. I can imagine God said, well done son, well done. You filled so
many purposes on Earth and you brought people closer to me. Thank you son.
Well done Uncle Johnny. Well done. I hope to have the faith you have. I hope to not let my broken humanly body hold me back, just as you
continued on through your difficulties. I hope the light and joy of Jesus shines through me as you let it flow through you. Well done Uncle
Johnny. Well done. Now go rest, and taken in the splendor of Heaven. Thank you for being you, and living life to it's fullest.
We are all better for having known you.
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
Dearest
Dearest Insomnia,
I'm sorry I have to do this in a letter but you have given me no other choice. I am breaking up with you. You like to sneek up, creep up, pop up for no reason. For some reason this amuses you... But I am going to have to ask you to leave. Although my finger and toe nails are now pretty, my bathroom is super clean, and I've read half of a new book ... I'd rather you leave. I'm sorry that I appear to have sent you the wrong message that I hate sleep. That is not true, I love sleep... I actually miss it dearly. It was not my intention to mislead you.
So Mr. Insomnia I am going to have to politely ask you to leave. You have turned into an unwanted house guest. You are not welcome here, so if you could just find the nearest emergency exit and leave, that would be greatly appreciated. I am not trying to hurt your feeligs... But you make my life more difficult. Good friends don't make someones life harder. The day after you visit I am so tired I can barley make through work.. Yet you are relentless and continue to visit the next night as well. This is just not working out for me.
So please go, and don't come back.
No hard feelings ok? We will both be better off when this break up is over. It's not you ... It's me. Ok really it's you... I can't stand you. And no we can't just be friends, it really wouldn't be in my best interest.
Best of luck. I am sure you will find someone who makes you so happy, happier than I could ever have. And as for me? Well me and sleep are gettig back together... I just can't deny my true love any longer.
Sincerely,
Caitie
I'm sorry I have to do this in a letter but you have given me no other choice. I am breaking up with you. You like to sneek up, creep up, pop up for no reason. For some reason this amuses you... But I am going to have to ask you to leave. Although my finger and toe nails are now pretty, my bathroom is super clean, and I've read half of a new book ... I'd rather you leave. I'm sorry that I appear to have sent you the wrong message that I hate sleep. That is not true, I love sleep... I actually miss it dearly. It was not my intention to mislead you.
So Mr. Insomnia I am going to have to politely ask you to leave. You have turned into an unwanted house guest. You are not welcome here, so if you could just find the nearest emergency exit and leave, that would be greatly appreciated. I am not trying to hurt your feeligs... But you make my life more difficult. Good friends don't make someones life harder. The day after you visit I am so tired I can barley make through work.. Yet you are relentless and continue to visit the next night as well. This is just not working out for me.
So please go, and don't come back.
No hard feelings ok? We will both be better off when this break up is over. It's not you ... It's me. Ok really it's you... I can't stand you. And no we can't just be friends, it really wouldn't be in my best interest.
Best of luck. I am sure you will find someone who makes you so happy, happier than I could ever have. And as for me? Well me and sleep are gettig back together... I just can't deny my true love any longer.
Sincerely,
Caitie
Monday, May 04, 2009
5 o'clock somewhere...
It's 4 minuets to 5 pm. And as Sandy says "I've done nothing"
... some how I have spent the entire day working and accomplished nothing. Worse than that, I was busy all day... I just wish I could figure out what I have gotten done. I wish more things on my "to do" list were checked off. Dreaded "To Do" List, it's like it is mocking me. "Ah haha, you didn't check very much off of me, so you must have done nothing" Well I tell you what Mr. "To Do" List... darn you win.
I just thought "humm, maybe I should call my mom and see if she wants me to pick up something for dinner..." sucks to forget you will be having dinner for one. (Cheaper maybe haha)
This weekend I...
Watched 4 movies
Read 2 entire books
Went out to two meals with friends
Slept around 25 hours (night time and naps)
Convinced someone they didn't have swine flu (like I really know?)
And hid myself away from the world while I processed.
I also decided that I cannot process this all at this point, so instead... My parents are on Vacation. Yes they are vacationing in beautiful Texas, they seem to be enjoying it. The land of hot weather, swimming pools and varmint fences.
I think I have started to be come numb to it all. To the fact that I will go from spending every night eating dinner with my family, to eating dinner (almost) every night by myself. I think that is the hardest part of this all, it's not like college where you are consistently surrounded by people (like it or not...) once I leave work, it's just me and my TV dinners. (just kidding mom, I am trying to make actual meals).
Anyway, needless to say, my parents have made it safely to Texas. They will live in a temporary apartment until their house is ready to be moved into on June 2nd. Funny how that is the exact date of my Mayo Clinic appointment. Because my parents will be moving that day, my very great and awesome Aunt and Uncle will be accompanying me to Mayo. It's sad to say that I am excited about a doctors appointment, but I am so excited.
I am so excited to hopefully have an answer to all of this. Today my joints are all swollen, I mean really swollen. To the point where good friends asked about it. Who knows why. I can't imagine a day that I could wake up with no pain in my face/head. Or vision in my eyes... or feeling in my leg. At this point I would take any one of those and be completely happy with that.
I have also decided I need to watch who I joke around with about my doctors appointments with. I guess a lot of people don't get that the only way to get through all of this is to have a sense of humor about it. I mean, I really don't get why they don't think it's funny when they ask "So when is your Mayo appointment" and I say "Right after my mustard one." Haha, maybe if they knew more about my doctors appointments and my treatment of late, they might agree that I have already had my Mustard appointment. It was salty and bitter, it did not make anything taste better. Yes that is how I will describe my last appointment, it was my Mustard appointment. I am looking forward to the Mayo appointment, a little bit sweet, adds a lot and overall makes things better.
Well I think I shall go home... rest these incredibly swollen joints. Make a wholesome dinner (hahaha right) ... and watch Dancing with the Stars. Don't judge me, you wish you could dance that well.
I have an excellent Father, his strength makes me stronger.
... some how I have spent the entire day working and accomplished nothing. Worse than that, I was busy all day... I just wish I could figure out what I have gotten done. I wish more things on my "to do" list were checked off. Dreaded "To Do" List, it's like it is mocking me. "Ah haha, you didn't check very much off of me, so you must have done nothing" Well I tell you what Mr. "To Do" List... darn you win.
I just thought "humm, maybe I should call my mom and see if she wants me to pick up something for dinner..." sucks to forget you will be having dinner for one. (Cheaper maybe haha)
This weekend I...
Watched 4 movies
Read 2 entire books
Went out to two meals with friends
Slept around 25 hours (night time and naps)
Convinced someone they didn't have swine flu (like I really know?)
And hid myself away from the world while I processed.
I also decided that I cannot process this all at this point, so instead... My parents are on Vacation. Yes they are vacationing in beautiful Texas, they seem to be enjoying it. The land of hot weather, swimming pools and varmint fences.
I think I have started to be come numb to it all. To the fact that I will go from spending every night eating dinner with my family, to eating dinner (almost) every night by myself. I think that is the hardest part of this all, it's not like college where you are consistently surrounded by people (like it or not...) once I leave work, it's just me and my TV dinners. (just kidding mom, I am trying to make actual meals).
Anyway, needless to say, my parents have made it safely to Texas. They will live in a temporary apartment until their house is ready to be moved into on June 2nd. Funny how that is the exact date of my Mayo Clinic appointment. Because my parents will be moving that day, my very great and awesome Aunt and Uncle will be accompanying me to Mayo. It's sad to say that I am excited about a doctors appointment, but I am so excited.
I am so excited to hopefully have an answer to all of this. Today my joints are all swollen, I mean really swollen. To the point where good friends asked about it. Who knows why. I can't imagine a day that I could wake up with no pain in my face/head. Or vision in my eyes... or feeling in my leg. At this point I would take any one of those and be completely happy with that.
I have also decided I need to watch who I joke around with about my doctors appointments with. I guess a lot of people don't get that the only way to get through all of this is to have a sense of humor about it. I mean, I really don't get why they don't think it's funny when they ask "So when is your Mayo appointment" and I say "Right after my mustard one." Haha, maybe if they knew more about my doctors appointments and my treatment of late, they might agree that I have already had my Mustard appointment. It was salty and bitter, it did not make anything taste better. Yes that is how I will describe my last appointment, it was my Mustard appointment. I am looking forward to the Mayo appointment, a little bit sweet, adds a lot and overall makes things better.
Well I think I shall go home... rest these incredibly swollen joints. Make a wholesome dinner (hahaha right) ... and watch Dancing with the Stars. Don't judge me, you wish you could dance that well.
I have an excellent Father, his strength makes me stronger.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Don't get on the inflatable boat that you know is going to pop.
So I went to dinner at my Moms friends tonight. They are basically going to be my family once my family leaves. Anyway we were all joking and talking about college and student loans. So my sister makes the comment that you could just get married and they change how you pay them and your school funding etc. So I joke "oh well there is the step I missed" and so then my moms friend makes a comment about being close and I missed that boat. (all in love and joking of course) and I was like "yeah but why would I get on an inflateable boat I know is going to pop? I'll wait for the Yacht."
I have no idea why I siad it... But we all about died laughing. I think it is going to be my new life quote. :)
So t-minus 2 days until my family leaves and I haven't cried in two days... I'm pretty proud. Ha small accomplishments.
P.S. If you see a Yacht around...send it this way. :)
I have no idea why I siad it... But we all about died laughing. I think it is going to be my new life quote. :)
So t-minus 2 days until my family leaves and I haven't cried in two days... I'm pretty proud. Ha small accomplishments.
P.S. If you see a Yacht around...send it this way. :)
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Adaptability..or not
Disclaimer: This blog is purely for me. I rationalize things through the written word. There are times when this blog is going to be extremely intense, or very very straight forward, but I am not willing to censor myself on here so that others may feel comfortable with what I am going through. And there are other times where what I am saying may seem useless. But Hey... it's my blog, and you don't have to read it. But I hope that if you do you will see me for who I am, nothing without Christ who keeps me centered and grounded. I have an excellent Heavenly Father, and his strength makes me stronger. Anyway, read it if you want, don't read it if you don't want.
I've always considered myself an adaptable person.
a⋅dapt⋅a⋅ble /əˈdæptəbəl/ [uh-dap-tuh-buhl]
–adjective
1.
capable of being adapted.
2.
able to adjust oneself readily to different conditions: an adaptable person.
I love new people, new situations, new cultures, new cities and towns. I like change, I like it so much I usually rearrange my bedroom/living room/desk space at work once a month. I like NEW, even if it is all the same things in a new way. But I have discovered there is a catch to this whole change thing... I like it, as long as I am in control of it, and included in it.
I adapted well to moving so much as a kid, it was a new adventure. I had some constants (my family) but I got to go into a new school. Being the new kid was kind of fun, you have this mysteriousness to you that makes people want to get to know you. "ohh, why is she suddenly here? Where did she come from?" etc, etc. Although I admit it was a lot more fun to be the new kid in Elementary school than in the Adult World.
I adapted well to going to community college at the age of 16. Sort of like being the new kid, but you just know you are smarter than the 18 year olds you are in class with. Ha kidding. But it was fun and the classes were challenging and I met great people from all different walks of life.
I adapted well to moving to Florida to work at Disney World. OK... sure moving to a nice sunny location and working for the most popular mouse in the world isn't that hard of an adaption. But I adapted, I learned things about people, some things I will never forget, somethings I wish I could. But I did well, I adapted.
I adapted well to moving to Missouri to go to school. This time it was almost like in Elementary School. Although I moved in with a whole bunch of other Freshman... I was the mysterious girl from Seattle. (More like the crazy girl who would move from Seattle to Missouri... City life to Corn Fields.) But I loved it. I loved college. Ok... there were days that I hated college, but for the most part I loved it. I did well there on my own. I made amazing friends, had great experiences, had horrible experiences. I laughed, I cried, I loved, I lost, I disappointed myself, I surprised myself, I grew up. I adapted.
I adapted OK to Cleveland. I feel like this may be where I lost my adaptability. Or maybe where I realized there is far more to being adaptable than just settling into a new place. The first struggle I faced is that... Clevelanders are Clevelanders and they like Clevelanders. Now please don't take this as a slam to Cleveland. It is just..fact. People are born here, they live here, they die here. They go to school with the same kids from kindergarten to high school and really don't add to their circle of friends. Their kids then go to school with their friends who they grew up with kids and the cycle continues. To make friends and a social circle it is like pushing yourself into an ecosystem that was perfectly fine and self sufficient before you came along. if you left that ecosystem... it would continue on. So it takes time to make friends here, to create that circle... and I guess I am still in that taking time part... and I don't like that. It is something I have no control in. In school, community college, Disney, college... in those settings there was always someone who wanted to be friends with the new kid, or there was a large group of new kids so it didn't matter. Here... they are content without the new kid. And that is ok, I just have to work on making myself the old kid??
Anyway this post is not about Cleveland. It is about the fact that there is a lot in my life that I have a harder time being adaptable to, but I put a plastic smile on and pretend I am adapting fine. Like when I was diagnosed with Hashimotos when I was 16, or had the surgeries when I was 20, or called off my wedding when I was 21. Or... when I started to go blind at 22, or started to lose feeling of my limbs at 22, or had pain so bad in my head everyday that I just wish it would explode at 22. These things I don't adapt to well, but I am sure you are thinking... who would? But still I put my plastic smile on... I put my faith in God and I push forward knowing that better is just around the corner. But there is one thing I haven't been adapting to well, one thing I haven't even been able to put the plastic smile on for. Mostly I just try and push it out of my mind. I try and numb myself to it... and it doesn't work.
I may be 22, but the fact that my parents are moving to Houston this week causes me to not be able to breathe every time I think about it. I know, I know I adapted soo well to all those moves as a kid, and moving out on my own and all of these things. But here's the thing, in all of those, I have never been left. My parents have never moved leaving me behind, I've left them behind. And it sounds so lame, and juvenile... but I feel like I am being abandoned here. My little brothers have been a live almost 6 years. Do you know how many of their birthdays I have been physically present at? 2, Birth and their 1st birthday. I am going to miss them going to 1st grade, making friends, riding their bikes without training wheels, swimming on their own, all of those things. And yes I realize they are not my children so it's not like it should matter. But it does. It breaks my heart to know that I won't be able to cuddle up with them on the couch to watch a movie, or take them out to spoil them.
It scares me to think that with my current medical problems I won't have my mom at the doctors appointments with me. And yeah I am 22, I should be able to handle things. It stinks to know that my best friend, my mom will be in texas not just down the street for me to go to movies with, or learn to sew, or cook or whatever else. My dad won't be here to help me work out my problems, take my car cleaned just because.
But most of all... it stinks that every night after work I will go back to my apartment, alone.
So yeah, I am not adapting well to this change. And maybe I am just being "an emotional woman" about it all. Because there is part of me that is so excited for them. So excited that my dad is in a job he enjoys, that the boys are excited about their new house and school. That my mom has friends down there from lifetimes ago. I really am excited for them, and excited that God has so much in store for them.
But... for now I am going to be upset about it. Starting Saturday I will be, alone.
So maybe if you see me this week, steer clear of the phrases "So how are you doing" "How are you dealing with all of this" etc. Because it's like the little kid that falls down. They are OK, until you ask them if they are OK, and then they start crying. I am OK... until you ask me, and then I may start crying.
But I have an excellent Father, and his strength makes me stronger. He will get me through this. He has a plan for this, and for me.
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